I had planned to hold off on this column but, after what I experienced Friday night, the words wouldn’t stop flowing. You see, I don’t write at the Exponent for the cash. To pay the bills, I deliver pizzas. After running around in temperatures that a person who wants to remain qualified as a male would be wise to avoid, it became readily apparent that I must write about the importance of tipping.

Some will accuse me of possessing the selective memory of a cynic in concerning myself with those people who stiffed me instead of pointing out those who did me right. I recognize those who hooked me up and would especially like to thank those party people who shared up their stack and topped it off with a glass of cognac.

However, there are plenty of people out there who don’t tip — some quite unabashedly.

Using the "Reservoir Dogs" argument, these people might attempt to justify their actions by stating that because this "gratuity" is inconsistently distributed — e.g., we don’t tip the bank teller, the mailman and so on — then why should we offer it to the person who delivers the pizza or serves your dinner? If I were rich, I would tip everyone. However, because I can’t lay cash on everyone doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t go out of my way to lay it on anyone. As such, I try to tip those who are in obvious need of it.

Some argue that a delivery driver has little to complain about, as he gets paid minimum wage; however, after gas and repairs, I assure you it is less than that. Those who don’t tip a waiter or waitress (or lay out some pathetic excuse for a tip) have no leg on which to stand.

When I go out, I generally hook my servers up with at least a 30 percent tip. Though you obviously don’t need to go this far, when a person makes only $2.13 an hour and still has to claim 10 percent for taxes, 15 to 20 percent should be the absolute minimum one should consider tipping, regardless of the quality of service.

In my experience, there are three basic types of people who do not tip: those who are financially challenged, those ignorant of the basic concept of tipping and those who are straight-up jerks.

It is important to note that these are not necessarily mutually exclusive categories. The first group tends to stiff you and apologizes that they are tight on cash. Though their regret is commendable, I tend to doubt the veracity of their claim. If they are really that strapped, what are they doing ordering pizza or going out to dinner? When I’m poor, I go to the supermarket and get some mac ’n cheese or yummy ramen noodles.

The second group either gives you exact change and smiles at you like they’ve just done you a favor or are the nickel, quarter and dimers. The latter of this category might just be ignorant of what a server considers to be a tip. If a driver brings you a $7.95 order and you give that person eight dollars and tell him to keep the change, that isn’t a tip — it’s an insult. When in doubt, try to give the driver at least a buck.

Finally, there are those who don’t tip because they are jerks. They are utterly aware of the situation and just don’t care. Perhaps those of you who meet these criteria have never worked a day in your lives, nor ever will, and have no idea of what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck. You may even have some odd antipathy toward those in the position of a server and get a power trip out of denying them that which they seek. Be warned, there are those who share in your misanthropic demeanor among both drivers and servers who will not hesitate to do not nice things to your food, your car, your pet or any other piece of property that might be at a convenient distance if they feel you have done them wrong. Being of a pacifist bent, I find that such means are unnecessary as sarcasm and innuendo generally suffice to get the point across.

Perhaps the best way to address the innate problem with not tipping would be to point one to Immanuel Kant’s "Groundwork of the Metaphysic of Morals" where he discusses the kingdom of ends. However, knowing that most will never find the time to sit down and meditate upon the words in this treatise, I will attempt to distill it to a few simple sentences. Know that those around you struggle daily, and if you can ease their passage through this thing called life then do it. Ultimately, it is important to understand that those who bring you your coffee or deliver your food in the wee hours of the morning are human beings and not vending machines.

This has been my sometimes less than humble opinion.