What if I don't get my job offer? What will I do then? I have to relax. Think positively, remember, self-fulfilling prophecy. I should have applied at more places; I should have made more calls. God, I can't stay here. That is definitely not an option. I am not going to go home either. There is nothing there for me there except the family. Anyway, they have their jobs and are always busy themselves and I hardly even see them when I am home.

I can't have another summer like the one after freshman year. I felt so unproductive and, man, was I bored. Even though home is close to Louisville, Ky., the opportunities are not there for me, job-wise or otherwise. Nope, I have to go to the East Coast, no matter what. Even if I don't get my internship, I can get a job there, temp agency, waitress, sales. I just have to get away … I don’t belong here. My way of life is not what the Indiana way of life is. I wonder if anyone else feels that way too.

My best opportunities are on the East Coast. I can see it now as an intern this summer, working for the firm, traveling, back on weekends, going to festivals, art galleries, the shore. It will be great. I have to be careful, though. I can't blow it like I did last summer and not save any money for school. I have to discipline myself. I'll make more than $8 an hour, at least, at the firm if I get the job. Gosh, can I handle it? Clients, deadlines, pressures, 55 to 60 hours a week will be tough. Am I competent? Can I be professional enough? I have to prove myself to them and to me too.

I can't believe that someone said to me today that in six weeks I will be a senior. What a traumatizing statement. I can anticipate the feeling of the pressure and stress that comes with senior year. I hate being in limbo on summer jobs but dealing with a post-graduate career search and preparation for the real world — that's like "Whoa!" out on my own with no parents to help me. I will be the one in control of my life, and the decisions I make are ones I have to live with.

I wonder how hard it will be for me to leave my family behind. I will definitely relocate to the East Coast after graduation and will be more than nine to 10 hours away. I guess that I'm used to not seeing them as often as before since I've been in college, but 10 hours is much more than three. Regardless, nothing could persuade me to stay here. I don't know how the "born and raised in Indiana" residents do it. Because I was born and raised elsewhere, many places actually, I guess I will never know. At any rate, Indiana is just not for me. After being here for six years, I still have not really developed a longing to stay in the area. I really am just more attracted to the faster pace of life that is available in the cities and suburbs of places like Philadelphia, Boston, New York and Washington, D.C. But everyone is different and we just have to know ourselves to know what is right for us as individuals.

It is scary to be at the age where my decisions count and at a position in life where I have to make serious plans about where I am going and what I am doing. How do I know that I'm doing the right thing? How do any of us know? Who do I turn to for advice and how do I choose what advice to take? Am I responsible enough to do what my parents have been doing for themselves and for me? How will I deal with the transition? How do I take care of myself? How do I find my place in the world?