Presidential race takes nap
Nap Time 
So, White House Race 2000 is officially
a snooze fest. The scratching and biting have become powder-puff back
slapping as the leading candidates make their unfettered way to the summer
national party conventions.
Republi can George W. Bush is smirking
all the way to the Republican convention, while Democrat Al Gore is bemused
in scandals pertaining to Buddhist Temple fundraisers, missing White House
e-mails and God knows what else.
Flash Forward: One of those Gore
e-mails carries the formula for cold fusion, while another carries four-letter
words to describe Ken Starr.
Cheaper Rubbers
Should condoms carry a sales tax?
Well, they won’t in Texas next month,
and Governor Bush is ticked off.
Bush recently declared his disappointment
that condoms are included in the over-the-counter medical items that will
be tax exempt. The Texas Legislature said the new tax exemption should
cover any item issued by the FDA that diagnoses, treats, or prevents disease
and suffering.
Bush, a leading advocate of sexual abstinence, said condoms are not a
drug or medicine and should not be included in the exemption.
Flash Forward: Bush asks his staff
what a condom is for.
What a joke
Ah, the irony.
He’s the man who said he wants to
die and come back as a woman’s DD bra. He’s the man who denounced
the sexually harassed women in the Navy Tailhook scandal as oversensitive.
The man, Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura,
now says he is outraged because Republican Rep. Carol Molnau bad-touched
him several times during a television forum.
Molnau publicly patted him on the arm and
leg a few times to emphasize her points about transportation funding.
"Sexual harassment is not a one-way
street," Ventura said.
Molnau said she didn’t know Jesse
was that "fragile."
Flash Forward: Minnesotans continue
to laugh at their capricious governor.
Flying in Style
It seems that First Lady Hillary Clinton
is not only escaping cattle class on her flights to New York for senate
campaign business; she has jumped First Class to fly in military style
to the tune of $182,000 for 26 trips — she paid for $33,000 of it.
The Clinton machine says the secret service
mandates her flying in military planes for safety reasons.
The Rudolph Giuliani machine says taxpayers
are footing the bill for her much more than peanut and soda flights.
Flash Forward: Guiliani bathes in
Hillary’s expense reports throughout the New York Senate campaign.
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