This Saturday when George W. Bush was inaugurated, he faced the largest crowds of protestors since Nixon was inaugurated. Those so infuriated by his ascension to President that they threw bottles and burned flags may have missed the subtle charms of his inauguration speech. Here now, I present an abridged and annotated copy of the words that replanted Bushes in the White House. I like to call it "History-Political Science Theatre 3000."

"The peaceful transfer of authority is rare in history, yet common in our country (except for today). With a simple oath, we affirm old traditions and make new beginnings (he begins to be president, I begin to wonder why).

I am honored and humbled to stand here, where so many of America's leaders have come before me, and so many will follow (as soon as 2004 - mark your calendars now!).

We have a place, all of us, in a long story; a story we continue, but whose end we do not see. It is the American story; a story of flawed and fallible people (pause, glance at Clinton and Gore), united across the generations (pause, glance at Daddy) by grand and enduring ideals.

The grandest of these ideals is an unfolding American promise: that everyone belongs (except Linda Chavez), that everyone deserves a chance (even John Ashcroft), that no insignificant person was ever born (except in Florida).

Through much of the last century, America's faith in freedom and democracy was a rock in a raging sea (a three million square mile rock with a GDP of $7.17 trillion and giant nuclear missiles). Now it is a seed upon the wind, taking root in many nations (and many trite metaphors). Our democratic faith is more than the creed of our country, it is the inborn hope of humanity; an ideal we carry but do not own (we're leasing it from the British), a trust we bear and pass along.

The ambitions of some Americans are limited by failing schools (subtle nod at education agenda), and hidden prejudice, and the circumstances of their birth (Jeb Bush, for example, is limited to only being Governor of Florida). And sometimes our differences run so deep, it seems we share a continent, but not a country.

We do not accept this, and will not allow it (Damn those continent- sharers!). Our unity, our union, is the serious work of leaders and citizen in every generation (of the Bush household). And this is my solemn pledge: I will work to build a single nation (building two or three is too much work) of justice and opportunity.

I know this is within our reach, because we are guided by a power larger than ourselves (the threat of recession), who creates us in His image (except smaller, so we can fit in cars).

Today we affirm a new commitment to live our nation's promise through civility, courage, compassion and character (dig how many "C" words he worked in).

If we do not turn the hearts of children toward knowledge and character (and away from Pokémon), we will lose their gifts and undermine their idealism. If we permit our economy to drift and decline, the vulnerable will suffer most.

Together, we will reclaim America's schools, before ignorance and apathy claim more young lives (why do the young get to miss out?).

We will build our defenses beyond challenge, lest weakness invite challenge. We will confront weapons of mass destruction, so that a new century is spared new horrors. (Translation: The military-industrial complex is bored so look for us to be at war soon).

The enemies of liberty and our country should make no mistake, America remains engaged in the world, by history and by choice, shaping a balance of power that favors freedom (I'm not sure there's any place on the planet that doubts the existence and presence of America).

And the proliferation of prisons (George W. Bush - Authoritarian of Alliteration), however necessary, is no substitute for hope and order in our souls.

Many in the country do not know the pain of poverty. But we can listen to those who do. And I can pledge our nation to a goal: When we see that wounded traveler on the road to Jericho, we will not pass to the other side (Do I have to be the one who points out that Jericho isn't even in the United States?).

Our public interest depends on private character; on civic duty and family bonds and basic fairness; on uncounted (votes), unhonored acts of decency which give direction to our freedom (four years studying abroad).

Americans are generous and strong and decent (obviously the Bush kids didn't grow up in my neighborhood), not because we believe in ourselves, but because we hold beliefs beyond ourselves. When this spirit of citizenship is missing, no government program can replace it (but we'll try like hell to come up with one). When this spirit is present, no wrong can stand against it.

After the Declaration of Independence was signed, Virginia statesman John Page wrote to Thomas Jefferson, " We know the race is not to the swift nor the Battle to the strong. Do you not think an angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this Storm?"

Much time has passed since Jefferson arrived for his Inauguration. The years and changes accumulate (like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives…). But the themes of this day he would know: our nation's grand story of courage, and its simple dream of dignity.

This work continues. This story goes on. And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.

God bless you all, and God bless America."

-President George W. Bush Jr. (Editor Thomas K. McHenry Jr.)

There you have it- in summation: children are good, enemies are bad, the military is good, poverty is bad, something about a whirlwind and an angel.