Group helps people cope
with death of loved ones
By Emily Baldauf
Staff
Writer
It has been 10 years since Nancy Nargi’s father
died, but she still misses him.
When she goes back to her hometown and sees her
father’s best friend on the golf course in a cart alone, it still
breaks her heart.
Although she has learned to cope with his death,
and is by no means having trouble getting on with her life, some days
she just misses him.
"There are certain times of the year or when
someone says something that brings back those memories," Nargi
said. "They’re not always upsetting; sometimes they just make
you think about good times. But a lot of times, after a year or so,
people wonder why you still haven’t gotten over it."
Nargi has found a place where she can go and still
talk about her dad.
About a year and a half ago, Nargi began attending
Mourning and Dancing, a support group for people who are coping with
the death of a loved one. The group meets from 7 to 8:30 tonight and
on the first Thursday of every month at Bethany Presbyterian Church
at 3305 Lonlois Drive in Lafayette.
"A lot of times, when other people think you
should be over it, you can go to the group to get support," Nargi
said. "Everyone there has been in a similar situation and won’t
be upset if you still want to talk about your friend that died."
Nargi began attending the support group after meeting
Sally Miller, the group's leader, who was working at Nargi's school
to help her and other faculty and students deal with the loss of a beloved
teacher.
"A lot of what she said really resonated with
me," Nargi said. "I had just experienced the death of a close
friend and my sister-in-law within a week of each other, and I wasn’t
really handling things that well."
Miller was only 24 when her husband died, leaving
her alone with two little girls and an unfinished Purdue education.
Miller dealt with her initial grief by trying to
stay busy all the time but trying to pretend that things were normal
led to further problems.
"I didn’t have any strategies or a model to
follow so when issues came up of missing him, I tried to distract myself,"
Miller said. "I had ulcers by the time I was 30."
After reaching success in her teaching career,
Miller realized that she could use her experience to help others.
"I finally was able to realize that grief takes
place over time, not all the time," Miller said. "I think that
I started working with people that were grieving not because I had anything
wise to say, but because I has been there."
Miller, who lives in Lafayette, has written two
books: "Mourning and Dancing" and "Mourning and Dancing
for Schools." She has also appeared on national television programs
such as "NBC Nightly News" and "The Montel Williams Show."
Miller shares her experience at the support group
meetings by leading the group in a certain topic of discussion.
"I think the most important thing we are doing
is helping people heal," said Brenda Kirleis, community outreach
coordinator for the organization. "Something they need to know
is that they are not alone. We like to tell people we are the hand that
helps them walk the walk."
The next Mourning and Dancing meeting's topic will
be "Helping Teens Grieve." For more information or directions,
call 447-2662.
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