First week brings frustrating crowds

Ahhh, the first week back.

Besides Christmas and Flag Day, it's my favorite time of the year.

U-Haul trucks are everywhere, freshmen inundate campus trying not to look completely lost, and apartment complex Dumpsters are nearly hidden by all our crap.

Yeah, the population of West Lafayette literally gets squared overnight. It'll be the only week when all 250,000 Purdue students converge on this campus at the same exact time, ultimately getting in the way of each other.

By the end of the week, some will be so fed up with the crowds there'll be the urge to push even the elderly out of the way.

Personally, I don't think I can cope with the bustling week. Living here over the summer and experiencing this campus in a very dead state has me way too spoiled. But I won't get violent with the elderly, I hope.

Hell, back in July there were never more than about a dozen of us on campus at a single time, that’s even counting the squirrels. Parking was great; I never thought I could legally park so close to my destination. Likewise, rush hour consisted of getting stuck behind a bus for a block.

And, most importantly, there were no lines anywhere. No, not even at Purdue's two computer labs.

But times have changed. Now we have traffic. Now we have to park a mile away from class. Now we have . . .lines. No!

Books are on everyone's list (unless you're a liberal arts major and are still learning to read) so we'll spend more time waiting in line to buy the books than ever actually reading them.

And don't even think of going to the bursar's office or your academic adviser. You'll wait 40 minutes in line and then when you finally get to the front, they all go out for lunch. Even if it's nine in the morning.

As for sending a quick e-mail at a computer lab, there will not be a computer just waiting for you. If the Pony Express was still around, they could deliver a real letter before you could even get to a computer.

I can't believe I will have endured four inaugural weeks of college. Word on the street is that qualifies me as a senior. A senior at what though? I guess now I can play bingo and get discounts at Denny's. Seriously, the word "senior" implies maturity, experience and just plain being old.

But that can't be.

I drink chocolate milk, haven't turned 21 yet (I know, it sucks), and most boys in junior high know more about girls than I do.

You think I'm kidding? No, I really do love chocolate milk.

Enough about me, the point I need to get to is this: get used to people being in the way this week. If you're new here, you might think it's impossible to function properly amidst all the people. Don’t worry; once we buy everything, hook our computers up and get all those damn errands done, the crowds will desist as many things start becoming optional, including clothes.

Classes. I meant classes. Just checking to see if your were paying attention.

By the way, before I let you go, I was kidding about the whole liberal arts illiteracy thing. I can't even read myself. I guess that's why college has been kicking my ass.

If you're new to my column, I'll let you in on the fact that half my column's goal is one of mere entertainment, by means of throwing out an organized story line and taking a stab at humor. Sometimes I succeed, other times I can't even make my mom laugh.

Yeah, something's really not funny when Mom doesn't laugh.

So don't always take me seriously, and we'll get along just fine. In the past I've gotten nasty e-mails from those who can't take a joke. There were some threats, so I had to buy a dog. Too bad the damn thing sleeps all day.

Every now and then I'll get serious and attempt to try to save the world but until then, Mom, keep on laughing.

It should be a good semester. The "Drew-less" football team looks decent and much of the construction that's been around since your parents went here has been finished.

Oh yeah, and because I didn't get the fall internship I applied for, I'm back writing at the Exponent for my final semester. Try not to be overcome with joy at the moment. But just in case, paramedics are standing by.

Enjoy surviving the first week, and I'll see you in line. But leave the elderly alone. They were here first.

'Till next week guys.

Brian Dillon is supposedly a senior in the school of Technology. Feel free to commend, yell at, or threaten him and his dog at dillonb@purdue.edu.

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