Techniques help prevent unwanted conversations

Last week I felt like many freshmen during their first week.

Lost.

Why, you ask? Because it's been a while since I had class on campus. No joke, the last time I had one, boy bands weren't the super cool thing yet and Britney Spears was still in an A cup.

Yeah, back then, half this place was a cornfield. A lot's happened since then. I like what they've done with the place. But what's with the broken water fountains? There's gotta be 100,000 engineers here, someone should know how to fix a fountain. Hell, give me a wrench. I'll make them spray big.

The reason for the hiatus was my major. I was at the airport for virtually every class my sophomore and junior years.

But it's great to be back. It's a more lively place — more people, more things happening, more squirrels.

One thing I'm not use to is walking among so many people.

It's great; in 10 minutes, 20,000 people cross each other's paths. It's like the flocking herds of water buffalo on the Discovery Channel, except water buffalo are a lot more organized travelers. That and unlike freshmen and I, water buffalo know where the hell they're going. At times it's so crowded it reminds me of the time when I had front row tickets to an 'NSYNC concert. Twelve-year-old girls get quite pushy when Justin comes close. But hey, so do I.

Now, it's during these crowded 10 minutes that we all have a chance to run into people we know. Normally, running into an old friend amongst thousands of people is great. That is, unless it's the kind of person you don't want to run into.

Examples of such a person: your psycho roommate from freshman year; that annoying smelly kid from a previous class who talked to you too damn much; or that person you "met" at a party last semester. Notice the word "met" in quotations.

Anyway, you just don't want to run into people like this, but such a run-in is bound to happen. You can't just walk by without acknowledging them. That would be uncomfortable, not to mention rude. So most of us opt for an easier alternative: avoidance.

But avoidance isn't so easy. Lucky for us this isn't the supermarket. If it happens there, you're damn near screwed. Even if you manage to avoid them early on in the produce aisles, you'll have lost the battle by the time you get to frozen foods.

But campus is such a wide-open space. We have options.

So here are a couple techniques I've used to avoid an uncomfortable reunion.

The 180

The most basic move. It's simple; they won't recognize you with your back to them, so simply turn around and walk the other way for a while. Although very effective, it requires early warning to implement so they don't see you turning around.

Cover your eyes

If they can't see your eyes, they don't know that you even noticed them. Now obviously don't just put your hand over your face as they approach. Besides looking dumb, chances are you'll run into a tree. Not good. Just act like you have something in your eye and scratch it softly as they approach. Practice this at home so you don't harm your eyes when it's called upon. Keep in mind I am not liable for any injuries suffered while using these techniques. As they pass, stop scratching, and you're off the hook.

Hide

If you panic and there's no other alternative, you'll have to resort to hiding. Simply duck into the closest building or room. This technique has to be resorted to when you're in a long, deserted hallway. Other techniques are way too obvious in such situations, so this is all you have at your disposal. Just make sure you know what you're ducking into. Closets, classrooms with actual classes going on inside of them, or the bathroom of the opposite sex can be quite uncomfortable, so think quickly and choose your escape wisely.

In closing, I cannot stress enough the importance of having early warning. Always keep your head up and be ready. This gives you time to choose the best technique and get out of it. But if you lock eyes at the last minute, it's all over. You'll have to at least give the uncomfortable "Hi," and worst-case scenario, stop and have to converse with someone you'd rather not converse with.

So if you see me walking by on campus while rubbing my eyes as I duck into the girl's bathroom, chances are I didn't want to run into you. Don't take it personally. And don't worry, I'll see you at the grocery store.

Till next week guys.

Brian Dillon, as displayed here, is a very anti-social senior in Purdue's Professional Pilot program.

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