Purdue plumbing impresses student

I just want to thank Purdue University for not being so cheap when it comes to public bathroom toilets on campus. Ninety-nine percent of the time, Purdue is so cheap-o it makes me want to take Eggo waffles and ram them in my belly-button hole, lint, syrup and all. Or other times, it just makes me want to light my arm hair on fire and eat all of Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors of ice cream while getting my toenails clipped with hedge cutters. I almost feel used in a sense, sort of like being strapped to the ground with croquet hoops by a bunch of horny hoodlums. However, when I thought Purdue couldn't go any cheaper, Purdue totally redeemed itself by buying "super toilets." You all know what I'm talking about, those toilets you could throw a cement brick in and it would still flush down. They could have been anal (no pun intended) and bought those paltry cheesecake one gallon toilets that my poodle, Butchy, could stop up with a dingle-berry. Of my year on campus so far, and hundreds of visits to the Purdue commodes, I have only stopped up a toilet once. It, needless to say, was the biggest poopy I have ever taken. I don't even think Niagara could have washed that big hunky chunky down. That put, I give Purdue super duper sasquatch props! Keep it up, Purdue. I salute you. Flush.

Andrew Grawe

Freshman, School of Sciences

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