Student, ‘brother’ value time together

By Jamie Teibel
Senior Writer

The moon is reflecting off the lake, casting an eerie glow over a man and a teen-age boy, both similar in height.

Paul Hammer and Jonathan Gillen are, as usual, comparing fishing stories. Gillen, "the pro," claims to know more than his "big brother." He is a know-it-all when it comes to the serene sport, but Hammer appreciates that, letting the 13-year-old ramble on about his knowledge of poles, lures, techniques and fish.

The two share private jokes, memories and many commonalties, especially their love for the outdoors. They often go fishing, cycling or camping — anything competitive that results in a good story for Gillen, a seventh grader at Sunnyside Middle School, to retell to anyone who'll listen.

Hammer, a senior in the School of Agriculture, has been Gillen's "big brother" for three years. As a member of Big Brothers, Big Sisters, Hammer became involved in Gillen's life when the boy needed it the most and said he is positively influencing him through example.

"My main goal is to show him that he can do anything he wants. I would really like him to dream big and chase those dreams," said Hammer. "I talk to him like I believe he can do it. If I talk to him like he could finish college and have a great job and be happy in life, then he will realize that he can and that someone really believes it."

Gillen's mother, Jackie, said, "There is no positive male role model in constant touch and available just to him. That male focus makes all the difference in the world to a boy."

The two spend three to four hours once a week with each other, time Hammer commits to unfailingly.

"Whether it's one hour or four hours, the main thing is to do it week after week. Probably the most important thing I give him is a male influence and consistency in visitation. He really needs to feel that someone is there for him and is interested in him," Hammer said.

Gillen said, "Whenever we hang out, I can actually have someone to talk to. It’s very important because I can talk to him about situations I’m going through, homework, the whole nine yards."

Hammer considers his time with Gillen an act that benefits more than just the teen-ager and his family.

"It is my giving to the community," he said.

Before Hammer could partake in any activities with his "little brother," he had to go through extensive training.

A candidate is assessed through a personality test and trained in dealing with attention deficit disorders and conversations about drugs, alcohol and sex.

If a candidate is chosen, he meets with a group several times to discuss certain scenarios, basically telling you the do's and don'ts, said Hammer. The group also trains the candidates on how to interact with the parents.

Interaction between Jackie and Hammer occurs often. She calls him for advice when Gillen gets to be a handful and he'll sit and talk to her when he brings the boy home.

"Any problem (Jonathan and I) have, I can call Paul and he can back me up and help me out," said Jackie. In turn, Hammer is the male influence Gillen looks toward to see "is this right?" she said.

Hammer also influences Gillen with his work ethic. Hammer owns and operates his own lawn care business that he started when he was 13. He has passed his knowledge of the trade on to Gillen, who works for his neighbors by doing yard work for them.

"He just turned 13, but I still thought that he should be doing something. He has begun to appreciate money and hard work. He used to not appreciate money or possessions, but now he pays for a lot of things that he wants," said Hammer.

Jackie said that along with the personal responsibility a lawn care business requires, it also taught Gillen to be more responsible at home and leads him to be more independent.

"Whenever he and I are at odds about something, instead of stewing about it, he looks at a different perspective of the situation. Paul is taking him out of that teen-ager mode and thinking of how (his actions) affect others around him," she said.

Hammer said that there are also times when nothing he does or says will get through to Gillen.

"Those times are hard. I just have to sit back and let him make mistakes and learn from them. I suppose I am here to guide but just make sure he doesn't make any big mistakes," he said.

And that's what big brothers are for. Gillen and Hammer see each other as brothers, a bond that grew from trust and friendship.

Hammer said, "We have known each other for almost three years and have become very close. I think he looks to me as a role model, as someone who will show him unconditional caring."

Gillen sees him as a brother because he helps him when he needs it the most. He treasures every minute Hammer spends with him, filling their time together reminiscing about the past.

Hammer's most memorable moments come with the small things — changes in Gillen caused by Hammer's influence. "Those are the moments that I know things are working and know that he is learning," he said.

Jackie speaks of Hammer as though he is a saint, praising all he has done for her son.

"He’s been a tremendous influence on Jonathan, in every aspect. He’s shown him the man’s side of being honorable," said Jackie. "Paul shows him how to be true to yourself, to do what’s right in your heart."

Hammer said he believes the benefits of his relationship with Gillen go both ways.

"I learn from him as much as he learns from me. I hope that I will be able to take some of this and be one step ahead when my family comes around."

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